The Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Model: 5 Styles Explained

Competing, collaborating, compromising, avoiding, accommodating — see which style matches how you tend to handle conflict.

Competing

High assertiveness, low cooperativeness. This style prioritizes getting your own position or goal across, often used when a fast decision is needed or a firm principle is at stake, sometimes at the expense of the other person's input. Best for: emergencies needing a quick call, non-negotiable issues involving safety or principle, unpopular but necessary decisions. Watch out for: repeated use can make relationships rigid and discourage others from speaking up, and pushing forward without enough information can lead to bad decisions.

Collaborating

High assertiveness, high cooperativeness. This style works toward a solution that satisfies both your needs and the other person's, taking more time and energy but offering the best shot at a genuinely creative outcome both sides are happy with. Best for: relationships that matter in the long run, complex issues where both sides' concerns need addressing, situations where combining different perspectives could lead to a better answer. Watch out for: using it even on minor issues can burn excessive time and emotional energy, and progress stalls if the other person is not ready to collaborate.

Compromising

Moderate assertiveness, moderate cooperativeness. Both sides give up something to meet in the middle — less than fully satisfying compared to collaboration, but a practical solution when time is short or both sides hold roughly equal power. Best for: needing a quick middle-ground fix under time pressure, situations where neither side can realistically push the other around, a fallback when collaboration or competing has not worked. Watch out for: it can become a band-aid that never addresses the real problem, and relying on it too often can turn into a habit of just splitting the difference instead of looking for a better answer.

Avoiding

Low assertiveness, low cooperativeness. This style sidesteps or postpones the conflict altogether, addressing neither your needs nor the other person's, often hoping the issue will settle itself over time. Best for: minor issues not worth the friction, moments when emotions are running too high and a cooling-off period is needed, situations where your energy is better spent on something more important. Watch out for: continually avoiding important issues lets them fester and grow, and the other person may read it as indifference or evasiveness, eroding trust.

Accommodating

Low assertiveness, high cooperativeness. This style puts the other person's needs ahead of your own, which helps preserve harmony but can leave your own voice consistently sidelined if overused. Best for: when the issue matters far more to the other person than to you, when preserving the relationship matters more than winning this particular point, when you realize you were actually wrong. Watch out for: repeated use can leave you feeling like your own needs never get heard, and a relationship where only one side keeps giving in tends to become unbalanced over time.

What Is the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Model?

The Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI) is a framework developed by psychologists Kenneth Thomas and Ralph Kilmann in the 1970s, describing how people respond to conflict along two dimensions — assertiveness and cooperativeness — sorting responses into five styles: competing, collaborating, compromising, avoiding, and accommodating. It is a widely used framework in corporate leadership training and team communication workshops. This page summarizes the concept for educational purposes and is not a substitute for a certified TKI assessment.

Understanding the Two Axes

The horizontal axis is assertiveness — how much you push for your own needs — and the vertical axis is cooperativeness — how much you consider the other person's. Competing sits high on assertiveness and low on cooperativeness; accommodating is the reverse. Collaborating is high on both, avoiding is low on both, and compromising sits in the middle of both.

Is There a "Best" Style?

No — the core idea behind the model is that none of the five styles is inherently better than the others; what matters is choosing the style that fits the situation. Most people default to a go-to style, but the model suggests flexibly shifting between styles depending on how important the conflict is and the nature of the relationship.

Frequently Asked Questions

Does each person only use one style?

No. An actual TKI assessment scores you across all five styles, and most people use a mix of two or three depending on the situation.

Are avoiding and accommodating bad styles?

Not at all. Avoiding can be the right call for minor issues or when a cooling-off period is needed, and accommodating can be effective when preserving the relationship matters more. That said, continually avoiding or accommodating on important issues can let problems build up, so it is worth staying aware of the pattern.