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How to Practice Loving-Kindness Meditation

Follow these steps in order, starting with yourself and gradually expanding outward.

  1. Sit comfortably and settle your breath

    Find a quiet place to sit comfortably, and take a few deep breaths to release tension in your body.

  2. Send warm phrases to yourself first

    Slowly repeat phrases like 'may I be at ease, may I be healthy, may I be happy' to yourself. Traditionally, loving-kindness meditation begins with compassion directed at yourself before anyone else.

  3. Expand the feeling to someone you love

    Picture someone who comes to mind easily, like a family member or close friend, and send them the same phrases.

  4. Extend it to a neutral person

    Bring to mind someone you feel neutral about -- a neighbor or coworker you see often but don't know well -- and offer them the same warmth.

  5. Extend it to someone you find difficult

    If you feel ready, carefully offer the same phrases to someone you've had conflict with or feel uncomfortable around. It's better to work up to this gradually rather than forcing it early on.

  6. Extend it to all beings

    Finish by widening the circle with a phrase like 'may all beings be at ease,' sending goodwill out to everyone.

A Practice in Being Gentler With Yourself

Loving-kindness (metta) meditation is a traditional practice that builds warmth toward yourself and others by repeating simple phrases. People who are especially self-critical often find the first step -- directing kindness at themselves -- surprisingly uncomfortable, and that reaction is completely normal. This guide offers general wellbeing information and is not a substitute for professional mental health care; if difficulties persist, it's worth speaking with a licensed therapist.

If This Is Your First Time Meditating

If sitting still and following a structured practice feels unfamiliar, it can help to start with just the first two steps -- settling your breath and sending kindness to yourself -- for a few minutes at a time before working through the full sequence. There's no need to rush toward the more difficult later steps.

Frequently Asked Questions

Do I have to send loving-kindness to someone I dislike?

No, you don't need to complete every step in order. The difficult-person step can wait until you feel ready for it, and repeating just the self and loved-one steps is more than enough when you're starting out.

Do I need to use the exact phrases given as examples?

No, the example phrases are just a starting point -- feel free to swap in wording that feels more natural to you, like 'may I be at peace.'