John Alan Lee's Six Love Styles (The Colors of Love)

People love differently -- here are the six love styles sociologist John Alan Lee described using an analogy to color.

Eros (Primary type)

A style defined by strong attraction to a partner's physical appearance and looks, falling in love passionately and intensely. It's associated with the experience of love at first sight and having a clear, well-defined picture of one's ideal partner.

Ludus (Primary type)

A style that treats love as an enjoyable game, avoiding deep commitment or being tied down. It's associated with dating multiple people casually at once and a reluctance to become too deeply entangled in any one relationship.

Storge (Primary type)

A style where love develops gradually and naturally out of a long friendship. Rather than intense passion, it's associated with trust, comfort, and a relationship that deepens slowly through shared time and common interests.

Pragma (Secondary: Ludus + Storge)

A style that chooses a partner practically, weighing real-world factors like education, values, and life circumstances. It combines the calculating side of Ludus with the stability-seeking side of Storge, and it prioritizes compatibility of circumstances over pure emotion.

Mania (Secondary: Eros + Ludus)

A style marked by strong possessiveness, jealousy, and sharp emotional swings. It combines the intense passion of Eros with the instability of Ludus, and it tends to swing between extreme certainty and anxiety depending on a partner's reactions.

Agape (Secondary: Eros + Storge)

A selfless, devoted style focused on a partner's happiness without expecting anything in return. It combines the devotion of Eros with the stability of Storge, and it's often treated as more of an idealized type that appears blended with other styles rather than in pure form.

What the theory says, and how it compares to Sternberg's triangular theory

Sociologist John Alan Lee proposed that, just as mixing colors creates new colors, love has a handful of primary styles that combine to form the full range of ways people love. He identified Eros, Ludus, and Storge as the three primary styles, and Pragma, Mania, and Agape as secondary styles formed by combining two primaries at a time. This differs from Robert Sternberg's triangular theory of love, which explains the "shape" of love through the combination of three components -- intimacy, passion, and commitment. Lee's theory instead focuses on the "attitude and style" each person brings to love -- meaning two people in the very same relationship can have different love styles, and that mismatch can shape both conflict and compatibility within the relationship.

How it's measured

Psychologists Clyde Hendrick and Susan Hendrick developed the Love Attitudes Scale to measure Lee's theory empirically. Since then, the scale has been used in relationship research to study how a person's love style relates to relationship satisfaction and how they handle conflict.

Frequently Asked Questions

Can one person have more than one love style at the same time?

Yes. Lee himself presented these six types as pure "ideal types," while acknowledging that real people experience love as a blend of several styles. Which style stands out most can also shift depending on the partner or the stage of the relationship.

Is the mania style always a bad kind of love?

Mania is described as a style prone to possessiveness and anxiety, but this isn't a judgment of love as 'right' or 'wrong' -- it's more a description of what kind of difficulties a particular style tends to run into in a relationship. Understanding your own tendencies can be a useful reference point for noticing recurring patterns in your relationships.