Where this framework comes from
The four humor styles were developed by psychologist Rod Martin and colleagues, who found that humor isn't simply "good" or "bad" on its own — what matters is whether it's used to build people up (affiliative and self-enhancing) or to put people down, including yourself (aggressive and self-defeating). Research using this framework has consistently linked the first two styles to better relationship quality and well-being, and the latter two to worse outcomes over time.
Can you shift your own humor style?
Most people use a mix of all four styles depending on context, but noticing when you default to aggressive or self-defeating humor — especially under stress — is a useful first step toward relying more on affiliative and self-enhancing humor instead. This is general psychological information rather than clinical advice, so if humor patterns feel tied to deeper self-esteem or relationship struggles, a licensed therapist can help explore that further.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is self-deprecating humor always a bad sign?
Not necessarily — occasional, lighthearted self-deprecating jokes shared from a place of genuine confidence can function more like self-enhancing humor. It becomes more of a concern when it's frequent, feels compulsive, or seems to reflect real underlying insecurity rather than playful confidence.
Can someone use different humor styles with different people?
Yes, it's common and normal to shift styles depending on the relationship and context — using more affiliative humor with close friends, for instance, while defaulting to something drier or more reserved at work. The concern is less about occasional variation and more about a consistent pattern of aggressive or self-defeating humor across most relationships.